7 Ways to Heal After a Toxic Relationship

August 5, 2018


If you’ve been involved in a toxic relationship it can often be quite trying to overcome some of the difficult situations you face in the process of healing. Any type of separation, breakup, heartache or toxic relationship will require recovery time but you may often be faced with a bit of extra time in your recovery when it comes to overcoming a toxic relationship.


A toxic relationship requires work but with special attention to your emotional and mental health especially if you plan on entering into new healthy relationships in the future. Procrastinating or not putting in the work to heal could lead you into a pattern of broken relationships and may find yourself stuck in a cycle over the years. All those toxic relationships are labeled as bad but there can be some benefits out of it. Toxic relationships can truly humble you and serve as a teacher as you become aware of your own insecurities and fears.


In my own experiences, I do find my relationships to be a mirror reflection of myself of how I felt or view life at some point in time. Looking back these are great learned lessons especially when it comes to how I handle future situations. So, don’t be afraid to look at the past in order to enhance your future.


Here are some of the best ways you can overcome a toxic relationship and heal:


Focusing on self-care:

It takes persistence and effort to build up your self-esteem once again after being in a toxic relationship. If you've been with someone who has constantly undermined your confidence and your overall self-esteem, it takes time to override the negative suggestions that have been memorized by your subconscious mind. Daily practice of positive self-talk and affirmations will help to improve your attitude and self-view. You will begin to feel confident once again. If you were in a relationship that severely neglected your needs and wants to the point you deny yourself of the things you need, this may be a good area to practice re-building. Identifying and acknowledging your own needs may be difficult at first due to the amount of time your needs have been neglecting.  Self-care can be something as small as taking a bubble bath or making regular visits to see a specialist.


This is the time you take out for yourself to ask self “what do I need right now”? Repeating your affirmations twice a day will help enforce positive self-care as well. As your attitude continues to improve, you’ll be amazed to see just how little you dwell on some of the past and how excited you’ll become about life as you continue to look into the future using your own self-confidence. 



Take time for compassion:

Volunteering or taking time to speak to others who are undergoing the same struggle can help with overcoming your own toxic relationship. Shelters, group homes, substance abuse centers, and other support groups are all filled with people that have suffered in so way a toxic relationship. Sharing and speaking about your own experience helps with the healing process by releasing the story. This also allows you to connect with others which may feel more enlightened because you showed you and took out your time with them. Compassion projects can help you feel more positive about the world and form positive relationships with new individuals.


Appreciate good relationships in your life:

Take time to focus on the most important relationships in your life such as the relationship with your children, relationships with good friends or your family. Not all relationships will be the same. Each relationship has their own unique purpose and value to your life experience. Think of that friend or family member that always listens, the one that prays for you, the one that makes you laugh even when you’re having the worst day, the generous friend that's always around when you need gas money till next week, and of course, the one that helps out with those special projects. When you show gratitude for the most important people in your life and work at nurturing these relationships, you can have a promising support network to help you through overcoming a toxic relationship. A healthy support group makes healing so much easier.


Set boundaries for your toxic relationship:

If you’ve been involved in an abusive relationship or toxic relationship reviewing the relationship to distinguish patterns of behavior that may have left you more vulnerable or even more receptive of toxic behavior is a great starting point in establishing new boundaries for yourself.  Most people never take the time to review how they played a part in the situation and eventually end up back in the exact same relationship will someone new. Going no contact at the conclusion of a toxic relationship allows yourself this time and puts up a boundary by not letting the person immediately back into your life.  It is best not to make any efforts to contact that person or get involved with them again. This is very important in the healing process and is the only way to move on. In my new book “Pretty On Pretty Off: The Journey Within” I discuss my harrowing encounters with toxic relationships, the aftermath, and growing pains of abuse. Setting boundaries played a big part in my own recovery.


Log your feelings:

Keeping a journal or even building a list of experiences that have affected your mental health through a toxic relationship, can help you with processing the experience. You don't have to share your writing with anyone or even review it. The process of writing helps to release the emotions attached to the experience and allows you to mentally and emotionally let go of the confusion, anger, and sadness that can come alongside it.


Challenge yourself:

One of the best ways that you can improve your confidence often comes with the idea of pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Challenging yourself by trying out a new skill or a new hobby could help you with the process of boosting your confidence and learning that you can continue to evolve after a toxic relationship.



Start dating when you're ready:

Meeting some new people as friends or even expanding your group of people that you interact with regularly can be helpful. This allows you the opportunity to practice your new set of boundaries in relationships. Dating outside of a particular type that you normally wouldn’t go for or find someone by getting into a new hobby can help you grow as a person as well. It may take some time before you're ready for a full-blown relationship, but getting back into dating can be a great way that you can start to trust others and rebuild your own self-trust when selecting people to bring into your immediate space. There are billions of people in the world and a large variety to choose from. Don’t allow toxic relationships to rob you of the good things in life including a great healthy relationship.


If you are considering ending an abusive relationship or you feel challenged with the process of overcoming your relationship, consider putting into practice at least of these solutions to improving your journey! 


Kimesha Coleman is a Motivational Speaker and Certified Results Coach specializing in working with authors, coaches, entertainers, and business professionals to inspire them to new levels of possibilities. She is an award winning author of He Loves Me Note: Buried Tears of Betrayed Love, Mastering Self-Esteem: 5 Steps to Move from Suffering to Contentment, What My Last Boyfriend Taught Me, and Pretty On Pretty Off: The Journey Within.

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