• Kimesha Coleman

How Successful Women Fall for the GED Clown

Updated: Jun 23

One trait of highly successful women is conscientiousness. Conscientious is one of the five personality traits linked to success that reflects a person’s pattern of being well organized, hard working, goal oriented, reliable, responsible, self regulated, and keen to abide by the norms and rules. Successful women tend to be highly conscientious and willing to work hard for their relationships.

Successful women have a strategy for success, including combining opportunity (reward, prize, or accolade) with hard work to obtain the reward. In relationships, successful women attempt to use this same strategy to get and maintain a relationship. Whether or not the relationship is good or bad. Let’s define a relationship: a connection, involvement, or association. Upon entering a potential relationship, the successful woman sets a goal to maintain the connection with the other person, i.e. her man.

Great Trait but a Trap for Toxic Relationships

Because she is keen to working hard, being reliable, responsible, self regulated, and self sufficient it’s a natural attraction to toxic men. Toxic men and abusers have figured out that successful women do things differently and intentionally target them. I've heard men openly brag about how easy it is to take advantage of successful and professional women but I didn't know why this was the case. Now let’s examine the cycle of a toxic relationship and how successful women fall for GED clowns.

Phase one: love bombing. The man is exciting, flattering, fun, charming, giving gifts, praising you, taking you on trips, and performing other acts of service (washing car, fixing flats, cooking dinner, etc.) for you. He is charming, handing out boatloads of compliments that overly stimulate and excites her brain, releasing loads of the happy chemical dopamine (his intended tactic to make her feel safe and loved). This neurochemical high combined with good sex, establishing a solid bond between them.

KEY - This stimulation bypasses or overrides proper reasoning wherein she usually would have chosen to walk away.

Phase two: devaluing and or abuse. Now that her brain is overly stimulated and bonded to him, he implements the next tactic of criticizing, humiliating her in public, degrading the things once praised, cheating or triangulating, giving her the silent treatment, or going M.I.A. (missing in action). The conscientious trait of the successful woman kicks into full gear. Some women may walk away, but others are highly likely to keep giving and giving and giving with the efforts to earn or return to the love bombing phase. This is all a part of his technique to keep her around longer and so he can get what he wants from her. The motive could be a variety of things: more sex, freedom to cheat, money, power, control, or attention to boost his ego.

KEY - The toxic environment and relationship diminish or lowers her self esteem level. She starts to lose motivation to perform at work, her appearance changes, isolates herself, and withdraws socially. The longer she stays in the relationship, the worst her mental, emotional, and physical circumstances become.

Phase three: discard. Due to her belief used in other aspects of their life that states hard work creates success, a successful woman now becomes the ideal candidate for abusive and toxic relationships because their conscientious trait can be easily triggered in relationships to handle a high tolerance of abuse and mistreatment. The man has made her feel not good enough, creating a sense of desperation to improve and work even harder. It’s not that she is weak or dumb but perhaps been brain hacked or brainwashed. In the phase, she decides to leave for good and goes no contact, the relationship is put on hold while he dates other women, or he apologizes and sucks her back in, and the cycle starts over again. These tactics and techniques combined create a trauma bond with an addictive like behavior to the man. She now craves the push/pull relationship, tolerates high levels of stress to get the initial high of dopamine received in the love bombing phase. She gains a sense of relief by staying and waiting or leaving and returning but the rush is never the feel good feeling upon initially meeting him, which her brain is chasing after. Because of her vulnerable state of being at this point: signs of low self esteem and high stress, she can easily fall into depression and suicidal ideation.

If she goes without addressing the low self esteem symptoms and brainwashing, there is a very high chance of entering into another toxic or abusive relationship. She now starts her own 25 episode Netflix special that all her friends and family sit back and watch. This is real talk.

How the successful woman can tackle low self esteem and move from toxic relationships

1. Go no contact or limit the amount of time, energy, and influence he has in your life. Staying in the relationship reinforces the negative beliefs about you. (no one else wants you, you’re not that pretty, you're not good enough, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you, etc.). These are induced thoughts to reprogram her way of how she sees herself and how she perceives the world.

2. Track your triggers. Depending on the severity of the toxic or abusive relationship, your stress, anxiety, and alertness levels are probably way above normal, preventing sleep and focus. To bring your level of stress and anxiety level down, indulge in a light walk, body massages, humorous and fun entertainment, feel good music, and stay away from emotional, action packed, tear jerking interactions as much as possible. The goal here is to give your body the least amount of stimulation, excitement, and stress to rewire the brain.

3. Develop zero tolerance for toxic, abusive people. Become more self aware of when you’re in contact or in close proximity of toxic people. Remove or reduce your exposure. However, observe the words, actions, and intentions of the individuals to learn more about them. Don’t absorb their energy!

4. Reinstate who you are. Remember the man has created a new program in your mind to operate according to his command. Good thing is we never truly lose who we are; we forget. So the goal is about remembering who you are. When the thoughts of his work enter your mind, counteract them. For example, if the idea of “you’re fat” comes to mind, you can say to yourself, “yes, I’ve gain 5 pounds, but I can easily lose the weight, or “even though I’ve gained a little weight, I still look good.” These self centered thoughts and beliefs were purposely implemented to keep you stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. Be patient with yourself. It takes time to reverse or undo the damage that’s been done.

5. Recommit to yourself. The toxic man in this case has programmed you to follow and respond to his command. Now it's time to redirect this energy into yourself. Find an exciting new goal, hobby, job, or lifestyle to invest your time. You are the priority from this point on. Commit to being more aware of those who seek or aim to take advantage of my capabilities and attributes solely for personal gain.

Higher self esteem is essential for providing support, protection, goal ambition, and a positive decision making process for yourself. For example, who you date or marry, which jobs you work, how much you earn, which foods you eat, and how often, down to the minor details of your everyday activities, including how groomed you are and how tidy your clothes are, are all dictated by your level of self esteem. If this system is corrupted, you’ll be more drawn and acceptable to dangerous, risky people and situations that are likely to be toxic and abusive. In these relationships, successful women lower their standards and do way too much for men who do not deserve them. The good thing is improving your self esteem is just like any other personal trait; It builds with practice and repetition.

What are your thoughts? Have you fallen for a GED clown?

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