Free Coffee, Bad Apples, and Why Relationships Fail
We all have been around to witness a number of failed relationships. There are a number of reasons why relationships typically tend to fail. There is a common discovery that runs in the factoring of relationship insecurities and compatibility issues. They both are barriers that can work against creating a harmonious environment for a relationship to really thrive.
Understanding what causes your relationships to fail may be extremely beneficial and perhaps save the next one.
Communication in relationships: Communication between partners can sometimes suffer an extensive breakdown. When a couple stops communicating this can lead to many needs being unfulfilled and problems with day to day harmonization. Communication in relationships needs to be constant and honest for a relationship to truly thrive. This one is huge. Most often people with abandonment issues fear losing their partner and won’t speak up about their likes and dislikes. When your partner does something you like this is the time to validate their behavior by showing gratitude or appreciation verbally or physically (hug, kiss, smile). This sends a signal to the brain about their good behavior. When this is overly compensated for or asked of you, it starts to supply their narcissist thirst which is discussed more in the next paragraph. On the opposite end, you also must communicate what you do not like in the relationship and not be afraid of the relationship ending because of expressing concern, personal standards, or boundaries.
Narcissism: When one person thinks of themselves as being better than their partner or consistently in control of a relationship, this can lead to problems with decision-making, the potential for fighting and in some cases abuse. Being in a healthy relationship means compromise and treating each other with love and respect but not at the expense of your integrity and dignity. However, people would suffer from narcissism believe that you owe them something just for being in their presence and therefore you must serve them to show your appreciation. People with narcissistic behavior are very manipulative, feel entitled, controlling, disregard your boundaries, are irresponsible, take action based on fear not love, and put everything into right/wrong or good/bad categories. If you discover your partner has more than two of this traits beware. Keep a relationship journal and discuss any abuse or weird behavior with a trusted friend or therapist.
Relationship insecurity: Jealousy and relationship insecurity can easily break down even a long-standing relationship. People suffering from abandonment and attachment issues often have low self-esteem which makes it quite difficult to have a long lasting relationship. Perhaps getting to the core of the issue may mean looking at your childhood. This could create a starting point of awareness and healing. Security and wholeness come from self not for the outside. Trusting in your partner and trusting in the security of your relationship remains an essential element of helping your relationship grow.
Everyone is your mirror: If you find you have a pattern of broken relationships there is one common factor: YOU. The qualities you admire and don’t like in your relationships are a reflection of yourself. This is a well-kept secret to relationships of all kinds. It is said that breakup occurs when both parties can longer stand to see themselves in the other person. The parts that most frustrate you about the relationship are those of your own that may need to be addressed and healed. If you want something different you must become the change you wish to see. But only you can do the work to manifest the change.
I encourage you to be honest and open with yourself when looking at the above ideas of why many relationships fail. Avoiding to look at your failures and look within may cause a repeat of the same cycle, keeping you stuck in a pattern of broken relationships. Taking time to grow from past issues develops your mental and emotional health which in return increases the odds of sustaining a long-term relationship. Download you free copy of the Truth about Abandonment eBook.
Kimesha Coleman is a Motivational Speaker and Results Coach who works with women who tend to cater to others more and put themselves last on the list to get a clear vision for what they really want, and then I coach them through stuck points so they can achieve success.