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Building Self Esteem in your Relationships, Career, and Business

Self esteem is a natural state or feeling that comes from within. There have been many factors that contributed to developing and building your self-esteem. Many people believe that self esteem comes from external things acquired by the transactions of money, sex, or time. However, self esteem is your evaluation of your overall approval, feelings, and beliefs you hold about who you are.


In fact, your current level of self esteem is the accumulation of all of your experiences and interactions throughout your life. Self esteem stems from the amount of attention, successes, constructive feedback, personal freedom, and love given to you. Many people struggle with distorted, negative esteem or low self esteem.


Research shows that individuals who take time out to rebuild their self esteem by removing the blocking belief and allow themselves to "feel" improve and restore their self esteem to a healthy level. However, self esteem is not fixed, and it can fluctuate based on the external feedback you receive from your environment, and the internal feedback you give yourself.


All humans require self esteem to persevere in life. It is an intangible function to shield you from emotional and psychological injuries of life, and it is one of the critical factors to living a healthy, quality life.


Why is Self Esteem Important?

Self esteem is important in living a healthy life, protecting against emotional and psychological wounds, healthy self esteem is needed at obtaining success at anything.  High self esteem is the driving force that fuels your bold moves, and it's the fearless courage to take action toward our goals and dreams.


Self esteem cannot be given out or earned.


On the other hand, low self esteem can cause adverse effects on your relationships, your job performance, and your ability to start and follow through on new projects.

Think of it this way; when you negotiate your pay at work, your self-esteem has already predetermined your compensation. When you stay in toxic relationships, your self esteem directs your decisions. When you hesitate to start your business, it's your self esteem that dictates your level of competency, abilities, skills, and talent.


Functions of Self Esteem

Understanding the functionality of self esteem is simplified by looking at mental healthiness and emotional satisfaction. Self esteem has a variety of functions such as:

  • satisfying the need to feel good about oneself.
  • minimizing social rejection
  • motivating self to achieve goals
  • coping in stressful situations

Self esteem is your emotional immune system. The higher your self esteem is, the faster you recover from hurtful events and the less bothered you are with rejection, stress, or anxiousness. On the other hand, low self esteem makes you more vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and even mental illnesses. A lowered self esteem increases the likelihood of experiencing failure more often, which decreases your motivation.


Self Esteem in Relationships

The level of self esteem you have can often be measured by the quality of relationships you have. The relationships you have the closest to you help to define who you are as a person. Toxic relationships can be perceived as the toxicity that you have within. Let's look at the aspects of you being made to feel "not good enough" by your partner no matter what you do.


You being made to feel not good enough may be due to past baggage or current internal doubts that linger over different parts of your life that are now being externally fed back to you by your partner. If you "feel" you have to do more than the required in order to get approval, get a significant response, or be liked, "your enough" will never be good enough. The feedback mirrored back externally will affirm the "you could have done more or better" feelings you carry inside.


Self Esteem in Career

Let's look at this same scenario and how it plays out in your career. You work for a great company. You feel honored to be there due to your background, lack of education, and knowledge. You work hard. Always put in the "extra" effort to make sure you've done well. You receive a high performance review and praise from your manager.


However, you occasionally have doubts about "not being good enough" because of your background and level of education. A manager from a different department you interacted with briefly feels you could have done a better job on a project and mentions your poor performance while bragging about one of her best employees during a team meeting. You're usually an overachiever but lately you haven't played full out and have started to slack. As time passed, you began to shy away from the praises and dismiss public credit received in group settings.


Self Esteem in Business

Let's look at this same scenario and how it plays out in your business. You've been working diligently on a new project but can't seem to finish it. When you look at the work you've done, it doesn't seem "as good" as your competitors. You are almost finished but feel it's missing something or needs something else to be good enough to offer as a product to customers.


Lately, you've been thinking about when you first started your business; people made fun of you and getting that lousy google review on one of your products didn't make it any better. You ended up not completing the project despite the positive feedback so far. You can't help but have feelings of regret as you watch others move forward in their business with products half as good as yours.


The self esteem loop is automatic, and it's even more complicated when the damage is self-inflicted and impacts your relationships, career, and business decisions. Your response to rejections and failures becomes the echo of negative self talk, reliving past shortcomings, striking yourself with destructive names, and basically kicking your own but. Over and over and over again.


There's no doubt that feeling good about who you are directly impacts your happiness in life.


As you probably already know your self-image, relationships, career, business and life take a major hit in a debilitating way when you're suffering from low self-esteem. The good news is that you can improve your level of self esteem with the right guidance and coaching.

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