HER STORY
My heart is heavy with the violations and trash of others. I often feel so distant and foreign to those who look like me. Already I’ve experienced many different traumatic encounters growing up in alcoholism, abuse, incest, and mental illness as a young colored girl. Even though I try harder each day to prove how good I am, I was only worthy of their malicious behavior and the emotional disgust of my presence. My body was not my own, neither were my thoughts, feelings, or reality. I felt low, sad, and invisible unless I served those around me. The pain overshadowed my thinking and drove my suicidal thoughts, bearing a pathway of escapism from this horror story.
HER PATTERN
Mental, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse stunted my childhood development that would later prevent me from making appropriate life decisions and engaging in healthy relationships for my betterment. Left without the proper growth, tools, and resources from my family, community, and economic systems disrupted my ability to form a healthy identity and coping skills needed as an adult. My identity was vulnerable and exploited by those who created the narratives around me, whether an intimate partner, family member, friend, clergy, teacher or the media. I sought out similar childhood situations and people to relieve my pain and fill the void and emptiness, which only retraumatized me – continuing the cycle of low self esteem, codependency, dating violence, and domestic violence.
HER TRANSFORMATION
It was not until the past pain was processed and resolved that the search for love and the void dissolved.
It all shifted in 2011, when I desperately wanted to change things and make my life better.
I tried dating different men, changing outfits, changing my look or even jobs, nothing really worked properly. That’s when she decided to connect with God and focus on healing my mind and spiritual self. Even if it felt strange or difficult, I knew this was the right thing to do, and God managed to guide me towards growth, removing worries and finally achieving what I always wanted. LOVE
