As a person who lived with codependency and low self-esteem, I had a warped sense of responsibility and attachment. I was very giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others while putting myself last on the list. I was attracted to emotionally unavailable, abusive men and found it hard to love myself. My own unmet needs, lack of love, and security in my childhood positioned me to be the fixer, the problem solver, and the doer of the group. It was a way of living to avoid the pain of being unloved but also a never-ending job of proving my love and loyalty to others.
I was always shy and withdrawn as a child but after being molested by my favorite uncle, my world became much more isolated. I constantly had thoughts of unworthiness and that something was wrong with me. My feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy did not go away with time. Following my first relationship, these thoughts were accompanied by hopelessness, low self-esteem, and self-hatred.
My teenage boyfriend was very abusive and controlling. The aftermath of this relationship left me unable to look people in the eye, afraid to speak, anxious, and nervous around others.
I didn't get any help and these symptoms didn't go away; they grew. Around the age of 17, suicidal thoughts drove me to my first attempt to take my life.
I breezed through life without real goals, motivation, or ambition. My unaddressed trauma (emotional and physical) continued to haunt me throughout life. I was involved with several unfaithful men and ended up in an abusive relationship as an adult. Low self-esteem and self-worth didn't just affect my intimate relationships. It affected all my relationships and aspects of my life, including the friends I choose, how I raised my children, my career, and my life goals.
After my second divorce, I found myself on the brink of a nervous breakdown and had to make a choice. The choice to continue to play the role of the victim or stare down defeat and decide to battle it head-on with one goal in mind: winning. Little did I know that my harrowing encounters with toxic relationships, the crippling aftermath, and growing through pains would lead me to my success.
That day in 2011, as I sat on the service debating if I should check myself into the hospital was my wake-up call. After two failed marriages, starting a challenging new job, raises three children alone, financially broken and spiritually bankrupt, I knew I was at the end of the road and something desperately needed to change. ME! Was it easy, no. Was it worth it, yes!
So now I coach other women through these same pains but not at the expense of losing myself. But at the willingness of my client's essence to change, value, and love themselves more. Through the transformation, you finally discover who we are, build sustainable confidence, and create an uncompromising quality of life.